Banjo was intent on leaving no survivors after his killing spree
Banjo celebrates after sacrificing the virgin to the insatiable volcano
Picture taken moments before failure
Who was supposed to pack the parachute again...
Global warming, more like global freezing, amiright
I'm sure this is good for something, but I have no idea what
I can't believe she never married, what with her head in a jar and her affinity for cats and robots
Awww... poor N64, oh and poor fat Banjo too
It's sort of like that scene from Gladiator, but nowhere near as poignant
Try as he might, Banjo just couldn't escape his circus past
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And We're Back... I would like to set the record straight right up front: the Nintendo 64 was an absolutely wonderful video game console. Classics like Super Mario 64, PilotWings, Perfect Dark and, the game which is often considered the best of all time, Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, all populated the landscape of what I consider to be a vastly underrated machine. There was one other franchise that offered hours of fun in the days of yester, and that is the Banjo Kazooie series. Who would have thought when it launched that a game about a bear and a bird fighting a rhyming witch could be so fun? If you did, you were likely on acid and no one would have believed you, you drug-crazed maniac. How about you go to rehab and stop reading about video games, all right? Anyway, for all of us who are clean and sober, it's been a long wait since the last Banjo game, but thankfully the bear and Breegull are back once more, and this time you're in for a whole new experience.
Why Can't the Whole World Solve Its Problems Through Gaming? It's been many years since Banjo and sidekick Kazooie last saved the world from the malevolent Gruntilda, and it would appear that Banjo has eaten a pizza a day in the interceding years. Our once svelte hero has turned into a gelatinous blob of fat and ick, and ol' Kazooie hasn't fared much better. Suddenly, one fine day, Grunty's head (the only part of her still functioning) shows up and she and Banjo begin one of the lamest fights in the history of lame. Immediately thereafter the Lord of Games (or LOG) appears and decides that this is no way for a once-revered franchise to act, and sets the two off to settle their differences once and for all - his way. Of course his way still involves jiggies, musical notes and themed worlds, but don't go thinking that this is just another re-tread. Oh no, things couldn't be more different.
See, for all the dumb things Rare has done in the past, this time around the developers were smart enough to realize that the platformer genre is all but dead in modern gaming, and they'd be best just staying away from its bloated, stinky corpse. We all keep waiting for the video game janitor to come by and remove it, but he's always drunk out in the shed so what can you do? In any case, Rare has decided to create their own genre, one in which vehicles take the place of heroic powers and evil never rises above the level of comic foil. Trust me, it's a refreshing change of pace from "space marine has to save the world from evil, gore-filled aliens once more."
Land, Sea and Air, Banjo Is There
The game starts you off in Showdown Town, a hub world through which all other challenges are accessed. You start off humbly enough with just a simple trolley to get you around, but before long things take a turn for the fanciful and life gets very interesting indeed. Once you access one of the game's many challenge worlds, you are given free rein to roam the landscape and look for a task which tickles your fancy. These tasks range from attack and defend missions to races and fetch quests. At the outset, you'll largely be locked into predetermined vehicles for each challenge until you learn the ropes, but it's not long before you're able to pick your poison and bring whatever vehicle you want in order to tackle a challenge.
Therein lies Nuts & Bolts' greatest asset and unifying design feature - the ability to create basically any kind of vehicle your mind can fathom. The title sports a robust yet simple vehicle editor, complete with a test course so you can check out your invention in action before you trot it out for real. Maybe if you tinker enough you can come up with a vehicle design that will help steer the Big Three US automakers away from bankruptcy. Of course that would mean their cars would consist largely of springs and turrets that shoot eggs, but at least they could cut costs. I wonder if you could sell organic eggs as a luxury upgrade...
Anyhow, if you aren't the creative type the game will gladly provide you with a number of half-finished chassis as well as a full complement of completed blueprints ready for purchase at any time. While these premade vehicles are often good enough to get the job done, you'll still likely want to take them into the shop and give them a few tweaks before you set out. It's a nice compromise that way, as the game gives you everything you need and then it's just up to you to figure out how to make things better. And since you're an opinionated person you know how to make everything better, right? In a sneaky way, this is kind of Rare's way of giving the finger to everyone who criticizes what they make. They invite you to do it better, and inevitably most of your creations won't even move because you forgot to attach an engine or loaded your ride down with so many parts it's too heavy. In the meantime the developers take a short break from crying into their pillows to laugh at you, and then go right back to weeping.
The only real drawback to the vehicle creation system is that if you don't enjoy it then you are pretty sure to hate this game. Everything requires you to be in some sort of car, truck, boat, plane, helicopter, etc., so if the concept never quite clicks then you just wasted $40. The whole game is a very novel concept, but it also severely limits the audience since old-school fans looking for a throwback platformer are going to be thrown way off by the new mechanics.
I Think I Missed My Turn The other major factors that have to be dealt with in the game are the goofy physics and weird damage system. First off, vehicles handle very strangely, especially at low speeds, and there's a definite learning curve to getting the hang of things. Also, since a lot of things are built with extemporaneous overhangs and angled bits, it's very easy to end up hooked onto another car or bash into environmental objects you thought you could cleanly avoid. This in turn leads to more wonky handling and you will often find yourself restarting challenges after simple mistakes because all the problems managed to snowball.
In addition to the sometimes crazy handling, the game includes a finicky damage system that only wants to work properly about 25% of the time. Whether due to excessive bumping and crashing, or to getting hit by a weapon, vehicles take damage and whenever any piece sustains enough punishment it falls off. Thankfully, any nearby parts can be re-attached by pressing RB, but it really only works if your vehicle is sitting totally still, which will likely never happen. For some reason, the game will only allow parts you're trying to retrieve to travel at the same pace as your vehicle's top speed, meaning that if you're tearing across the world on a challenge the piece will be perpetually behind you because it just can't catch up, and conversely, if you try and stop to reattach it, then the bit will slingshot back and forth around you until it finally settles in and snaps back on. It's not a big deal if you drop an insignificant bit like a plate or wedge, but the first time you drop an entire fuel cell or an engine then Microsoft will know no rage like that of a gamer forced do battle with a game that sometimes seems to exist to humiliate you.
The Bear Went Over the Mountain... If the game were nothing more than a series of challenges then it likely would wear out its welcome quickly, but Rare wisely added a thorough dose of exploration to keep even us jaded hipsters entertained for longer than it takes to watch an episode of The Office. Both in the game worlds themselves and Showdown Town as a whole, there are tons of things to discover and collect, helping scratch that oh-so-troublesome platforming adventure itch that us old-school gamers get from time to time. Banjo can track down crates with new vehicle parts, trapped Jinjos, and even rogue jiggies simply by searching high and low for hidden secrets. While you may be limited at the start, as you play the game Banjo's lowly trolley will eventually see a whole host of upgrades, and by the time you make it to the end of the game there isn't a single locale in the entire world that you can't conquer. This is one of those games where you absolutely live for the next upgrade, and once you get it you'll likely forget all about that meddlesome "storyline" and while away the hours bouncing off supporting characters' heads and blasting away cops with your shiny new laser. It's fun for all the same reasons Grand Theft Auto is fun; unless of course you think GTA is fun because you get to kill hookers. In that case you may want to talk to somebody.
He's So Cute, You Forget He Could Maul Your Face Right Off Turns out Banjo isn't just a brute who's good with a wrench, he's quite the looker too. The game showcases some top-notch graphics and each of the game worlds just looks absolutely stunning. Every level has a theme, and all the environments and characters therein just fit so perfectly that it makes your pants a little tighter. Particularly notable is Banjoland, an entire world built around icons from the past games in the series. For those who get nostalgic, it's a great place to just go and check out the sights, taking in all those lost characters or forgotten items one last time. Also fun is the "Logbox 720," LOG's very own video game system complete with bugs to squish, loose chips, and graphical or audio hiccups whenever you crash into a processor. It's all so beautiful, and it's easy to tell that a lot of care went into making these worlds.
Friends Don't Let Friends Live In addition to all the single-player fun, Nuts & Bolts also provides a robust multiplayer experience, though some facets of it are better than others. There is a full range of modes, from races and battles to more offbeat fare, as well as games with only stock vehicles or those which allow you to bring out whatever monstrosity you wish. While most modes are fairly standard and somewhat boring, there are still a few gems if you look hard enough. My friends and I have fallen particularly hard for the freeballing, I mean freewheeling challenge, where you have to give your vehicle a push start, jump in and ride the momentum as far as it will carry you. This mode gets insanely addictive as you study lines and routes for the best possible way to keep your speed up and your vehicle moving for as long as possible. Even better, once you finish you can jump off and attack the other players with your wrench, thereby screwing them over and making them hate you forever. Friendship is fun like that. Even though the multiplayer is ultimately nothing special, it's still deep and varied enough that it shouldn't be too hard to find a way to have fun with it.
I Want to be Like the Rhyming Witch, Even Though She's Such a... I was very wary of the new Banjo Kazooie, particularly because I have such fond memories of the old days, meticulously combing every square inch of a level for each and every last musical note, jiggie and Jinjo, and I was afraid of change. What Rare has brought to the table, though, is a wonderful game that, if it grabs you, will likely not let you go for a long time. Granted, the vehicle-based gameplay really isn't for everyone and there's a good chance that if you come in looking for the repeat of an experience you've had before then you'll hate every minute; but for those with an open mind, Nuts & Bolts is sheer bliss. This game is funny, self-effacing, charming and outright fun, and easy to recommend for those looking for something new, yet retaining a touch of nostalgia. Get your toolbox ready, you've got some tinkering to do.
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Brad
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